Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
