If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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