nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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