is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
