The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
