i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
