Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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