yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
