The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
