he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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