i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
