god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
