I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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