it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I need a beard to bite.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
