If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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