I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
