i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
