i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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