apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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