I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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