If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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