your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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