I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
