all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
