im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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