In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
