help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
