she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
