Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
