i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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