I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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