I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
