If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
