Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
