I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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