Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
