Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
