oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
