i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
