Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
