I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
