Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
