Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
