I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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