oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
