Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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