Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
