Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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