Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This is my gift to your gina
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
