I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
