Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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