i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
