i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
