i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
