You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
