My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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